AG2-Pain-Body-Rises

I suffer of a disease. It manifests every month or so, and when it does, it’s hard not to get in the grip of it. Under its influence i become someone i don’t recognize as being myself. I exagerrate everything, every single fact becomes huge and disturbing, all my negative emotions come out and get in my mind where my thoughts go crazy with no real reason. In these moments, i suffer of the disease of the pain body.

The pain body is an emotional creature that lives inside me and thrives on all the events from the outside world that it can feed on, more excatly everything that can cause me pain in some way. The pain body consists of unexpressed emotions that i hold inside since i was born and which i didn’t yet recognize or accept within myself. It is also the emotional aspect of my ego, whenever my ego is being hurt, there goes my pain body rising. I have observed within myself, that the main trigger is my ego being hurt, that’s the moment when my pain body arises and then crawls to every single disturbing fact from outside to feed itself. Observing that its there delays the procesz, but somehow i still fall in the grip of it. Maybe i have a pretty dense pain body, or maybe i’m not conscious enough to avoi fallin into it.

The main issue with this disease, it’s not my personal form of suffering that i have to go through while i’m in its grip, what bothers me most is that it transforms me into this difficult person, that is very hard to handle for others and that most of the time, will try to get others in the suffering as well. I have observed this best in my own relationship, where i go crazy emotionally and i keep trying to get Darren to understand my exagerrated emotions. The pain body is very sly, after the attack, i rewind facts in my mind and i’m amazed by the strategies it has. It does everything to get the other to follow it down to the inner hell of fear, anquish, threats, etc. Fortunately in my case, Darren is very resilient and wise when dealing with it.

The pain body can be yours from your life story, can be inherited from your mum, your dad or both, from your granmother and all the adults you came in contact with as a child, from your own nation, race or even gender. It says nothing more about yourself than the fact that you are not yet trully aware of your real essence hence you identify yourself with the wrong things and that’s where you can be attacked.

This apparently horrible entity has a main advantage, it gives you the possibility to be truly aware of yourself, as my friend Eckhart says, used well, it becomes fuel for consciousness.

Ina, go beyond or through it